Hindu wedding
A Hindu wedding is Vivaha and the wedding ceremony is called Vivaah Sanskar in North India and Kalyanam in Tamil Nadu. The wedding ceremonies are very colourful, and celebrations may extend for several days. The bride's and groom's home—entrance, doors, wall, floor, roof—are sometimes decorated with colors, balloons, and other decorations.
The rituals and processes of a Hindu wedding vary widely. Nevertheless, the Hindu wedding ceremony at its core is essentially a Vedic yajna ritual and three key rituals are almost universal: Kanyadan, Panigrahana, and Saptapadi—which are respectively, giving away of his daughter by the father, voluntarily holding hands near the fire to signify union, and taking seven ‘steps before fire’.
At each step, promises are made by each to the other. The primary witness of a Hindu marriage is the fire-deity Agni, in the presence of family and friends. The ceremony is traditionally conducted entirely or at least partially in Sanskrit, considered by Hindus as the language of holy ceremonies. The local language of the bride and groom may also be used. The rituals are prescribed in the Gruhya sutra composed by various rishis such as Baudhayana and Ashvalayana.
The pre-wedding and post-wedding rituals and celebrations vary by region, preference and the resources of the groom, bride and their families. They can range from one day to multi-day events. Pre-wedding ceremonies include engagement, which involves vagdana and Lagna-patra, and the arrival of the groom's party at the bride's residence, often as a formal procession with dancing and music. The post-wedding ceremonies may include Abhishek, Anna Prashashan, Aashirvadah, and Grihapravesa - the welcoming of the bride to her new home. The wedding marks the start of the Grihastha stage of life for the new couple.
In India, by law and tradition, no Hindu marriage is binding or complete unless the ritual of seven steps and vows in presence of fire is completed by the bride and the groom together. This requirement is under debate, given that several Hindu communities do not observe these rites.
Eight forms of marriage
Ancient Hindu literature, in for example the Asvalayana Grhyasutra and Atharvaveda, identifies eight forms of marriage. They are traditionally presented, as here, in order of religious appropriateness. They also differ very widely in social acceptability.- Brahma marriage - considered the religiously most appropriate marriage, and the most prevalent among Hindus in modern India. The father finds an educated man and proposes the marriage of that man's daughter to his son. The groom, bride, and families freely concur with the proposal. The two families and relatives meet, the daughter is ceremonially decorated, the father gives away his daughter in betrothal, and a Vedic marriage ceremony is conducted.
- Daiva marriage - the father gives away his daughter along with ornaments to a priest as a sacrificial fee. This form of marriage occurred in ancient times when yajna sacrifices were prevalent.
- Arsha marriage - the groom gives a cow and a bull to the father of the bride and the father exchanges his daughter in marriage. The groom takes a vow to fulfill his obligations to the bride and family life.
- Prajapatya marriage - a couple agrees to be married by exchanging some Sanskrit mantras. This form of marriage is akin to a civil ceremony.
- Gandharva marriagethe couple simply live together out of love, by mutual consent, consensually consummating their relationship. The marriage is entered into without religious ceremonies and is akin to the Western concept of Common-law marriage. The Kama Sutra, and, in the Mahabharata, Rishi Kanva, the foster-father of Shakuntala, claim that this form of marriage is ideal.
- Asura marriage - the groom offers a dowry to the father of the bride and the bride; both accept the dowry out of free will, and he receives the bride in exchange. This is akin to marrying off a daughter for money, and is considered inappropriate by Hindu Smriti-writers because greed, not what is best for the woman, can corrupt the selection process.
- Rakshasa marriage - where the groom forcibly abducts the bride against her will and her family's will.
- Paishacha marriage - where the man forces himself on a woman when she is insentient: when she is drugged or drunken or unconscious.
Key rituals
There is no single standard Hindu marriage ceremony. Regional variation is prevalent in the sequence of rituals comprising the ceremony. There is also considerable flexibility within each ritual. Variation reflects family traditions, local traditions, resources of the families and other factors. Three key rituals predominate, as follows. Two are yajna.- Kanyadana - the giving away of his daughter by the father.
- Panigrahana - a ritual in presence of fire, where the groom takes the bride's hand as a sign of their union.
- Saptapadi - the crucial ritual. The term means ‘seven steps’, with each step corresponding to a pair of vows: groom to the bride, and bride to groom. The vows are pronounced in Sanskrit; sometimes also in the language of the couple. Like Panigrahana, Saptapadi is performed in presence of fire, and in many weddings, after each of their seven oaths to each other, the groom and bride perform the ritual of agnipradakshinam: walking around the fire, with hands linked or with the ends of their garments tied together. The groom usually leads the bride in the walk. Fire is the divine witness, and after Saptapadi the couple are considered husband and wife.
Kanyadaan
Who offered this maiden? to whom is she offered?
Kama gave her to me, that I may love her
Love is the giver, love is the acceptor
Enter thou, the bride, the ocean of love
With love then, I receive thee
May she remain thine, thine own, O God of love
Verily, thou art, prosperity itself
May the heaven bestow thee, may the earth receive thee
After this ritual recital, the father asks the groom to not fail the bride in his pursuit of dharma, artha and kama. The groom promises to the bride's father that he shall never fail her in his pursuit of dharma, artha and kama. The groom repeats the promise three times. As per several stone inscriptions that have been found from 15th century in the Vijayanagara empire, to fight the epidemic of bride price, a community group of Brahmins created a social legislation to adopt the marriage system of kanyadana for their community. It was mandated that no money should be paid or received during marriage and those who do not follow are liable for punishment by the King. The above inscriptions also reinforce that system of social legislations within community groups was widely in practice as against personal laws based on religious scriptures.
This repeated promise by the groom marks the end of the kanyadaan ritual in the Hindu wedding.
Panigrahana
The ritual of Panigrahana comes after Kanyadaan. It is sometimes preceded by the vivaha-homa rite, wherein a symbolic fire is lit by the groom to mark the start of a new household.Panigrahana is the 'holding the hand' ritual as a symbol of the bride and groom’s impending marital union, with the groom acknowledging a responsibility to four deities: Bhaga signifying wealth, Aryama signifying heavens/milky way, Savita signifying radiance/new beginning, and Purandhi signifying wisdom. The groom faces west, and while the bride sits in front of him, with her face to the east, he holds her hand while the following Rig ved
I take thy hand in mine, yearning for happiness
I ask thee, to live with me, as thy husband
Till both of us, with age, grow old
Know this, as I declare, that the Gods
Bhaga, Aryama, Savita and Purandhi, have bestowed thy person, upon me
that I may fulfill, my Dharmas of the householder, with thee
This I am, That art thou
The Sāman I, the Ŗc thou
The Heavens I, the Earth thou
In the Gujarati Wedding this step is called Hast-Milap. The whole ceremony was timed around an auspicious time for this step and a few decades ago the wedding invitation would even list the time when this event was going to take place.
Saptapadi – short form
The Saptapadi is the most important ritual of Vedic Hindu weddings, and represents the legal element of the Hindu marriage ceremony. The couple conduct seven circuits of the Holy Fire, which is considered a witness to the vows they make to each other. In some regions, a piece of clothing or sashes worn by the bride and groom are tied together for this ritual. Elsewhere, the groom holds the bride's right hand in his own right hand. Each circuit of the consecrated fire is led by either the bride or the groom, varying by community and region. Usually, the bride leads the groom in the first circuit. In North India, the first six circuits are led by the bride, and the final one by the groom. In Central India and Suriname, the bride leads the first three or four circuits. With each circuit, the couple makes a specific vow to establish some aspect of a happy relationship and household for each other.In some South Indian weddings, after each saying a mantra at each of the seven steps, the couple say these words together:
In North Indian weddings, the bride and the groom say the following words after completing the seven steps:
Saptapadi – long form
The long form of Saptapadi starts with a preface announced by the priest, introducing a series of vows the groom and bride make to each other, as follows. With the completion of the seventh step the two become husband and wife.
;Priest's preface
The world of men and women, united in the bond of marriage by Saptapadi, to further promote the joy of life, together listen with triumph.
;Step 1
Groom's vow: Oh!, you who feeds life-sustaining food, nourish my visitors, friends, parents and offsprings with food and drinks. Oh! beautiful lady, I, as a form of Vishnu, take this first step with you for food.
Bride's vow: Yes, whatever food you earn with hard work, I will safeguard it, prepare it to nourish you. I promise to respect your wishes, and nourish your friends and family as well.
;Step 2
Groom's vow: Oh!, thoughtful and beautiful lady, with a well managed home, with purity of behavior and thought, you will enable us to be strong, energetic and happy. Oh! beautiful lady, I, as Vishnu, take this second step with you for the strength of body, character and being.
Bride's vow: Yes, I will manage the home according to my ability and reason. Together, I promise, to keep a home that is healthy, strength and energy giving.
;Step 3
Groom's vow: Oh!, skillful and beautiful lady, I promise to devote myself to earning a livelihood by fair means, to discuss, and let you manage and preserve our wealth. Oh! dear lady, I, as Vishnu form, cover this third step with you to thus prosper in our wealth.
Bride's vow: Yes, I join you in managing our income and expenses. I promise to seek your consent, as I manage our wealth, fairly earned, so it grows and sustains our family.
;Step 4
Groom's vow: Oh!, dear lady, I promise to trust your decisions about the household and your choices; I promise to dedicate myself to help our community prosper, the matters outside the house. This shall bring us respect. Oh! my lady, I, as Vishnu, take this fourth step with you to participate in our world.
Bride's vow: Yes, I promise to strive to make the best home for us, anticipate and provide necessary things for your worldly life, and for the happiness of our family.
;Step 5
Groom's vow: Oh!, lady of skill and pure thoughts, I promise to consult with you and engage you in the keep of our cows, our agriculture and our source of income; I promise to contribute to our country. It shall win us future. Oh! my skilled lady, I, as Vishnu form, take this fifth step with you to together grow our farms and cattle.
Bride's vow: Yes, I promise to participate and protect the cattle, our agriculture and business. They are a source of yoghurt, milk, ghee, and income, all useful for our family, necessary for our happiness.
;Step 6
Groom's vow: Oh!, lovely lady, I seek you and only you, to love, to have children, to raise a family, to experience all the seasons of life. Oh! my lovely lady, I, as Vishnu, take this sixth step with you to experience every season of life.
Bride's vow: Feeling one with you, with your consent, I will be the means of your enjoyment of all the senses. Through life's seasons, I will cherish you in my heart. I will worship you and seek to complete you.
;Step 7
Groom's vow: Oh friends!, allow us to cover the seventh step together, this promise, our Saptapad-friendship. Please be my constant wife.
Bride's vow: Yes, today, I gained you, I secured the highest kind of friendship with you. I will remember the vows we just took and adore you forever sincerely with all my heart.
Additional rituals
Many Hindu weddings start with the milne and swagatam ceremony. This ritual is where the baraat arrives at the bride's home or the location where the bride is and marriage will be celebrated. The baraat typically includes dancing and joyous members of groom's family, relatives and friends. On their arrival, there is a ritual where key persons from the groom's side and bride's side are introduced to each other. The introduction is typically followed by jai mala and a reception that serves food and drinks.Many other rituals and ceremonies are sometimes found in Hindu weddings, such as madhuparka, vivaah-homa, agni-parinayana, asmarohana, laja homa, abhishek, anna-prashashan, and aashir-vadah. All these ceremonies are carried out at the wedding location, typically at or near the bride's home. These additional rituals include the participation of the brothers, sisters, maternal/paternal relatives, guardians, or friends of the bride.
In some parts of India, such as Gujarat and Northern India, a laja homa ritual called mangal pherā is performed where the couple make four circles around holy fire. It follows hasta milap, but precedes saptapadi. The first three circles is led by the groom, and it represents three of four goals of life considered important in Hindu life - Dharma, Artha, Kama. The fourth circle is led by bride and it represents the fourth goal of life - Moksha. After saptapadi, as hymns are being recited, the groom performs māņg sindoor ritual where a saffron or red color powder is marked into the parting of the wife's hair. Instead of circling the fire and other steps, the rituals and ceremonies may be performed symbolically, such as stepping on small heaps of rice or throwing grains into the fire.
Some rituals involve rice or other grains, seeds and pastes. In these ceremonies, rice is thrown at the bride, groom or they kick a container containing the grain. Rituals include darshan, where the newly married couple are met, blessed and greeted by family and friends of the bride and groom.
After the Hindu wedding is complete, the bride leaves for groom's home via groom's car. In groom's car, bride and groom sit together, and groom's younger brother drives the car. Bride's sisters also come with groom's family, when they arrive to groom house where Hindu family members of the groom welcome the newly wedded couple in a ritual known as grihapravesa. This ceremony typically requires participation of the mother, father, brothers, and sisters, or other guardians of the groom.
Ancient literature suggests the Hindu couple spent time with each other, but delayed the consummation for at least three nights following the wedding. Some scholars have proposed the observance of this rite in the past - known as chaturthikarma - “the rite performed on the fourth day of marriage”. Chaturthikarma is followed by most of South Indian communities as a possible basis for the validity of a marriage. Other scholars suggest saptapadi and regionally customary wedding rituals, not consummation, defines legal validity of a Hindu marriage. The Hindu Marriage Act of 1955, Article 7, is consistent with the latter. Chaturthikarma is not a common practice in Hindu communities.
In modern Hindu families, the couple proceed to honeymoon after grihapravesa.
Rituals in Nepal
In the Hindu culture of Nepal, marriage rituals are done by the Chhetri in a sixteen step process that centers on the household. The household is important during the marriage ritual because it is the center of the concept of mandala; the Chhetri's homes are considered to be domestic mandalas and so have roles as householders. The act of marriage brings men and women into the householder role.Marriage is the most important rite of passage for the Chhetris and is one of the most serious. Women move from their houses to the home of the groom after marriage. The ceremony is done in a precise and careful manner as to not bring bad luck to the families of the bride and groom; certain traditions, for example no one seeing the face of the bride until the end, are followed in order to ensure future prosperity. Prior to the marriage ceremony, there is no kinship between families of the bride and groom and the bride must be a virgin. The marriage ceremony consists of a series of rites that are performed over a two-day period between the houses of the bride and the groom. Within each home the enclosed area in the courtyard and the kitchen are used the most; the jagya and the kitchen are considered the most important parts of the domestic mandala structure because it is where rice is prepared and consumed. At the end of the ceremony is the establishment of the role of the wife and husband in the husband's home.
The first step in the marriage ceremony is called Purbanga. In the kitchen of their homes, the bride and the groom worship the seven Mother Goddesses as so to pay respect to their ancestors and ask for peace. In the second, third, and fourth step, the groom is then blessed by his mother and is taken outside to his jagya where his father and procession carry him and bring gifts for the bride to her house in a ceremony called dulähä anmäune. In the fifth step as the groom waits before the house of the bride, gifts of clothes and food are placed around the jagya; the father of the bride then places red paste on the groom's forehead indicating that he is no longer an outsider to his family. The sixth step is the performance of the Barani or welcoming for the groom and his janti as they enter the jagya. The father purifies the body of the groom using panchämrit. A small feast is then held for the groom as the next steps in the marriage continue.
After the small feast, the marriage process for the bride begins. The seventh step takes place in the kitchen of the bride where the process of kanya dan starts; the bride's parents give their daughter in marriage to her groom thereby allowing the bride to be a part of the groom's lineage and making the father's lineage secondary. After they wash their feet they dress in red and, in the eighth step, sit beside in each other in the jagya. They perform post-marriage rites as they make sacrificial offerings to the fire in the center of the jagya. During these rites the bride and groom perform tasks such as placing red powder in the hair of the bride and the bride eats leftover food of the groom and at the end the now husband gives his wife a personal name for which she is to be called by.
After the post-marriage ceremony, the married couple being to leave the bride's home. In the ninth step, the husband and wife return to the kitchen of the wife and worship their ancestors and the seven Mother Goddesses. In the tenth, eleventh, and twelfth step, the couple leave the wife's house as she is given a garland from her parents; the wife and husband enter the jagya and are then escorted out riding on palanquins as they return to their permanent home of the husband. The thirteenth step beings once they enter the jagya of the groom and his virgin sisters welcome the wife in a ceremony called arti syäl. They unveil the bride and adorn her with flower garlands and sprinkle puffed rice on her. The fourteenth step is completed once the bride promises gifts to the sisters; she then moves on the fifteenth step where she steps on piles of rice in a path toward the kitchen. The final step is a series of rites, the first of which is the bride worshiping the ancestors and deities of the husband; she then demonstrates her skills in handling rice to the husband's mother and sisters and then they entwine her hair. Finally, the mother unveils the bride again in front of the husband and in a ceremony called khutta dhog, the bride places the foot of the mother on her forehead thereby ending the marriage ceremony.